Love in Thailand—is it real and how to find it—a few thoughts
The Kingdom of Thailand is famous for many things—tourism, beaches, shopping, islands, and general fun—but it is also acknowledged as a place where many men, and some women, can find for themselves a second chance at true love.
Many men come to Thailand for a long and long-needed vacation after a catastrophic event in their life, or just after many years of hard work that has led to worldly success. They find that they enjoy the climate, the social environment, and the attraction of locals.
It is at this point that life becomes interesting—the “attraction of locals”. As a westerner anyone, the average ‘Joe’ from back home, becomes special. This guy immediately gains additional social points. He is noticed, listened to—as he walks through a shopping mall children stare at him, shop assistants wave for his attention, and locals make way. Heady stuff.
To this add one other category of local people—women. Thai women are interested in western men. They are interested for many different reasons. One, of course, is money. Westerners are perceived as having lots of money. Money means stability and a better life. Sadly, this belief does lead to problems, but it is there.
Second, western men are perceived as being better husbands. Another sad fact is that a sizeable number of Thai men drink excessively, others make use of recreational drugs, and generally many are not thought of as good husband material.
Another reason for the attraction is that many Thai women grow up in a single village, with 150 other people living within a stone’s throw. Thus they know their most likely local husband from age
1. Some just want a wider choice.
Fourth, western men come without local ‘baggage’ and background. The Thai culture, for all its good points, is a single country. This can seem confining to many. For an ambitious, educated, intelligent or simply curious local women, a foreign husband can be a breath of fresh air. It will be a fresh start for her as well.
What do western men get out of such a potential marriage? Many things. Many just want to start over. Some have problems ‘back home’. Nothing big. The pop-culture belief that western expats in Asia are drug runners, mafia bosses or super-crooks is wrong. Most simply have an accumulation of small problems, that make a new start attractive.
Others men, simply after a life-time in one city or one job, want a new and fresh take on their life, a new start. A new life in Thailand with a new wife is a shot of rejuvenation!
It is an option not to be ignored. A life reset.
There are many success stories, but also many expensive failures.
How to make this a success? There is no simple answer, but first, use both your head—as well as your heart. The first girl that comes along is not likely to be your new life partner, no matter how “magical” it may feel. Second, look at the girl’s background. Many men, for various reasons, bump into bar girls, hotel staff, the 711 checkout girl. These girls may well be fun holiday companions, but are they right for a long-term commitment?
Would you marry such a girl in your home country? Is there an intellectual parity, as well as an emotional basis for the relationship? Emotions fade with the day-to-day of everyday life. Six months, a year, five years into a marriage, will the same emotional feeling be there? Will she be a real partner?
If you are thinking of marriage, if long-term has entered your vocabulary, cast your net wider.
Look for a wife away from the high-profile and noisy tourist locales. Think teachers, doctors, and professional women. These women are often leery of marrying a local. These women are frequently searching for love, or at least some form of relationship, and are interested in western men. Maybe you.
Honesty, be honest yourself and demand honesty in return. If you are looking for a new life-partner don’t brag about non-existent wealth or success in your home country. Be honest with yourself and her. Whatever short-term good vibe exaggeration and embellishment may bring will quickly fade. Honesty will pay off quickly.
Tell your new woman about yourself and your real situation in your home country.
Reciprocally, seek the same from her. Visit the parents and her hometown or village. Her background.
Do this because, sadly, some of these women seeking a new husband, have problems they want to hide. The number one is children from a first marriage. Nothing wrong with this, and many men have found that elusive feeling of self-worth by providing for their wives ‘first’ family, but you want to know about this before, not after, the marriage.
One option to consider, an option worth serious consideration, is a private detective. Someone to check out your new woman’s background before the ring slips on.
This may seem an extreme step, but it is not. By marrying her you are putting your life and fortune on the line. If there is a problem there will be months if not years of problems and expense to get clear. A detective can allay this possibility.
A detective can discreetly find out about previous marriages, children, debts, and problems. Problems can include gambling. Sad to say, even though illegal, gambling is a big social problem in Thailand. Stories abound of westerners returning to Thailand from a visit to their home country and finding ‘their’ Thai house being sold off to pay their wife’s, and their wife’s family, gambling debts. Debts that accumulated while they were away. Not a happy moment.
In short, a good Thai marriage will make you a happy man. It will add years to your life, and life to your years, but, the opposite is true. Success and best wishes!