Thai language lessons. The Art of Escape.
If you are visiting Thailand for the first time then it’s good to know some thai phrases that you can use as a way out from many weird situations. Bellow i am presenting a number of familiar situations that you will probably encounter. As a young inexperienced millennial , i advise you to follow this short guide and you will be out of them in no time. In the end of this poorly written article you can read what every phrase means. I recommend you to memorize all of them and know them by heart.
No 1. The Agressive Tuk tuk driver.
There will be many times that tuk tuk drivers will hustle you for a ride. Using english to refuse will only lead to more hustle and in the end you might lose your good mood. What you can do instead is stop, look at them deep in their eyes pretending you are sad (Thais respond very well to expressions of intense emotional states) and say: POM FARANG KINOK. POM JON. MAY PEN RAY. BYE BYE..
No 2. The annoying bar lady.
Many times you will find yourselves in a bar and very often a thai bar lady will hustle you to buy her a drink. Now if you try to talk your way out of this using english she will continue to hustle you as she knows all the tricks. What you can do instead is stop, look at her deeply in her eyes pretending you are sad and say. POM TENGAN LEW. PARAYA JA GROT. KOTOT KOTOT. BYE BYE.
No 3. The one night stand that wants to become the one and only love of your life.
This will happen to you eventually. A one night stand that will make her stuck on you like a president’s bodyguard. You can try to escape using english words but it won’t get you anywhere. Despite that you can find a quiet moment in a restaurant and after you finished your meal you should stop, look at her deeply in her eyes, pretending to be sad and say: POM MAY SABAY. POM MEE EYT AY VI. KOTOT KOTOT. BYE BYE. and run away like a lunatic.If you are pronouncing it correctly she won’t follow you. Be intense. Be oscar worthy in your performance.
No 4. The Karaoke owner that will ask you to pay a huge amount of money for spending a few hours there drinking with the girls.
Now pay attention to this. If this happens to you there is NO WAY OUT. Pay the money! The preservation of your well being is far more important than a few (or in this case a lot) thousands of baht. There is nothing you can say in that situation. It doesn’t matter how sad you look. You are screwed and you gotta deal with it like a genuine loser. It’s ok. No one is perfect and nothing lasts for ever. Go get a massage after and try to suppress this memory into oblivon. You fall for one of the most well designed scams. The Karaoke bar.
And now the translation of every phrase
Number one: I AM A CHEAP MOTHERFUCKER. I AM POOR. NO PROBLEMO. BYE.
Number two. I AM MARRIED. MY WIFE WILL GET ANGRY. SORRY. BYE.
Number three. I AM NOT WELL I HAVE HIV. SORRY BYE.
Number four. Good luck getting away from that….
In our next entry of poor written articles we will continue with our situational phrase guide. Until then. Asta la vista losers.